Kink

"Kink" is the friendly, wide-open word for sexual or erotic interests that sit outside what a particular culture treats as conventional. If BDSM is a specific umbrella, kink is the whole weather system.

What counts as a kink?

Pretty much anything adults enjoy that isn't considered "vanilla" (the community's affectionate word for conventional sex). That might be a love of costumes, a thing for being praised, a fascination with rope, or a taste for certain roleplay scenarios. People who enjoy kink sometimes call themselves kinksters or simply kinky.

What counts as kinky shifts over time and between cultures. Things that once seemed shocking can become fairly mainstream, which is a good reminder that "normal" is a moving target.

Kink vs fetish

The words get used interchangeably, but there's a useful difference. A kink is something you enjoy and might want to explore. A fetish usually describes a strong focus on a specific object, material, body part or scenario that's especially central to someone's arousal. Many people have kinks without having a fetish, and that's fine.

How people experience kink

For some people kink is an occasional bit of spice; for others it's a big part of their identity and social life. Some explore privately with a partner, while others enjoy community spaces like a munch or online groups. There isn't one correct way to be kinky.

Consent and communication

Every kink worth having runs on consent. Being curious about something doesn't oblige you or anyone else to try it. Talk about interests openly, share what's a yes, a maybe and a no, and respect other people's boundaries even when they differ from yours.

Common misconceptions

• "Kinky people are reckless." Kink communities tend to talk about safety and consent far more than most.
• "Having a kink means something is wrong with you." Having unusual interests between consenting adults isn't a problem in itself.
• "Kink is all-or-nothing." You can be a little bit kinky. Curiosity is a perfectly good place to start.

FAQ

Do I have to label myself?

No. Labels can help you find community and explain what you like, but they're optional and you can change them whenever you want.